Lately, there's been a lot of commenting in my life. Three weeks ago, I made an off hand comment to a neighbor about her unattractive yard waste pile that I can view from my back yard because her yard is higher (see picture). When I arrived home later that evening, I was surprised to have a long-winded message from her stating how much my comment had offended her. OMG. I drove to work that morning pissed off at her ignorance for not caring about my having to look at a pile of weeds. In her diatribe, she declared that all the neighbors think my yard is a pile of weeds. Well, that's native habitat for you.
My yard is an assortment of native plants and trees that were put there to be used by wildlife. Her yard is an assortment of bushes and trees sculpted beyond necessity to resemble bottle brushes. Her pruning should be illegal. More like hacking away at branches until the trees no longer resemble living things. Needless to say, we are not speaking. I don't mind really. No more playing nice-nice with her. We had little in common anyway. I'm content to keep to myself.
As ridiculous as this incident has been, I've noticed that people make all sorts of comments to one another, few are meant to do harm or hurt, but it's just people speaking honestly, saying what they are thinking. People should be allowed and encouraged to say what they feel. I'm allowed to say what I did, as well as she's allowed to reply. Maybe if she had said it to me, instead of my answering machine, I could at least have said I didn't mean in the way she took it. I think back to loads of comments I've made, inadvertent and in conversation, that if taken the wrong way, may have hurt someone. But it wasn't intentional. And I needn't apologize for something that was not meant to hurt. A thick skin and a good self image could go a long way in reducing bitterness between people.
Last week, I told a couple girls in yoga that either the studio is a quiet room and if they wanted to chatter, they could go to the hall. The were set to spend 10 minutes before class chatting it up in front of the mirror. There are signs requiring silence in the yoga room. Then today, I was asked to move my mat over to make room. But I had placed my mat exactly between two other mats, following the rules. The person who asked is a local rock star (big in his own mind) and even though he could have moved his mat over, he chose to comand me to do it. I refused, saying I didn't want to be behind another person. He said "Well, if you say so," and went back to his mat.
I hate that all of these incidents happened and wonder could have been done differently. The most important thing is not to make a big deal of it, and to move on with life. The fact is, life is precarious, it's always shifting and one never knows what kind of day another is having. So, we just have to go with it, calmly, patiently, lovingly.
